'All by myself....don't wanna be...all by myself...anymore, anymore, anyyyyymooooorrrrre,' I am screeching Bridget Jones style.
So for eight years I have been desperately seeking 'Me' time.
Ever since baby number one was born, I have moaned incessantly about never having a minute to myself, never being able to go to the loo without someone walking in, bath without a child wiping my boob with a Buzz Lightyear flannel, eating a sandwich without a small finger reaching up to steal a crisp.
Well, it turns out I don't actually want 'Me' time at all.
Initially, it was great, a novelty. I could come home from the school run and have a long soak in the bath without anyone interrupting, I could go shopping without having to buy an 'Animals and Me' magazine or Moshi Monsters cards, I could talk on the phone to a friend for an hour without shouting at any kids in the background or passing them the phone for them to say, 'hello'.
Like anything, (think Beyonce's baby news or Lauren and Mark from TOWIE), the novelty soon wears off.
I am lonely for the first time in 8 years. I have no bums to wipe, no one asking where I am every three minutes, no demands for drinks or food. I don't know what to do with myself. Well, actually, I do. I need to get. A. Job. or finish. The. Book. (sshhhh don't mention that. 30,000 words and not touched for months) or even Walk. The. Dog. Yes, yes, hairy mutt, but that only takes 45 minutes.
It's so quiet.
I miss them so much.
I am googling illnesses I may or may not have.
It's time for me to Get. A. Life....