If you tell me you are coming between 10 and 11, I will be ready for 10 at a push. Don't turn up at 9.20am or you will find me in a vest and knickers, no make up on, lion hair, breakfast all over the floor, children undressed, iron out and general chaos.
So, apologies Mr Upholsterer for the utter disgrace that is me.
I'm sorry you found it difficult to look me in the eye, due to lack of make up/wearing a vest that was practically see through and one Ugg boot, as I couldn't get the other one on quick enough. And I thank you for pretending to ignore what looked like a tiny bit of crusty dog poo on the chaise longue. I am not sure what it was, but I personally wouldn't have touched it with my human hand. It was discarded wrapped in a piece of kitchen roll as soon as you'd gone. All I can say is it had hairs in it. Sorry. Also, when you pulled the chaise out, I apologise for the layer of dust, fluff, old plastic toys and a small child's coat hanger, that it revealed.
Please don't tell the husband that the beautiful home and immaculately presented wife and children that welcome him home every evening is in fact, a charade.
Yours,
A (somewhat scruffy, wild looking, embarrassed, disgraced)
Confused Take That Fan, 30+
