If you tell me you are coming between 10 and 11, I will be ready for 10 at a push. Don't turn up at 9.20am or you will find me in a vest and knickers, no make up on, lion hair, breakfast all over the floor, children undressed, iron out and general chaos.
So, apologies Mr Upholsterer for the utter disgrace that is me.
I'm sorry you found it difficult to look me in the eye, due to lack of make up/wearing a vest that was practically see through and one Ugg boot, as I couldn't get the other one on quick enough. And I thank you for pretending to ignore what looked like a tiny bit of crusty dog poo on the chaise longue. I am not sure what it was, but I personally wouldn't have touched it with my human hand. It was discarded wrapped in a piece of kitchen roll as soon as you'd gone. All I can say is it had hairs in it. Sorry. Also, when you pulled the chaise out, I apologise for the layer of dust, fluff, old plastic toys and a small child's coat hanger, that it revealed.
Please don't tell the husband that the beautiful home and immaculately presented wife and children that welcome him home every evening is in fact, a charade.
Yours,
A (somewhat scruffy, wild looking, embarrassed, disgraced)
Confused Take That Fan, 30+
13 comments:
You're not a disgrace by the evening? You're doing better than me!
Good start. He's going to be far too terrified to mess with you in the future!
You're not alone - our house is like a bombsite until after tea
i love this post, one morning at around 9am the gas reader man came round, i had to move the sofa and it was a disgrace underneath i was so embarrased!!! i still had my PJs on and all the children were still in theirs lol!!!
I am the same; except that the home is not immaculately presented when the husband gets home - children are usually filthy, floor covered in Lego and me generally bedraggled and desperate for a glass of wine....
You could set a trend here. I mean, if Amy set the trend for bloody ballet pumps, why not make it one Ugg this summer?
you never fail to make me laugh out loud, brilliant, delicious post. esp the one-ugg-boot-wearing bit. Even Husband laughed at that bit and we haven't had sex in ages.
ps delete that comment by the person with the funny/foreign symbol. At the risk of sounding zenophobic (but I read the Guardian so I'm obviously not) they can be viruses (the comments not the foreigners)
Very funny post!
Though I suspect the upholsterer didn't see any of that, in my experience men are immune to any number of domestic disasters. Especially in their own homes...xx
Nothing about this post seems abnormal to me...
It probably made his day if you had a see through t shirt on! He wouldn't have noticed the mess.
Oh, thank goodness that someone else is as bad as me. I frequently answer the door to the postman early morning with dubious clothing and messy hair. The health visitor once sat in half a squashed banana that I hadn't seen my little boy deposit on the couch! Oops
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