Friday, 1 January 2010
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Me and the husband sunning it in Barbados
Ok, so it's time for some post Christmas analysis. You ready? Let's go...
* Husband off for a whole week. Yeeeeeeeeeeehah! It was brilliant sharing childcare in our own home (rather than the usual, going on holiday, which brings with it all sorts of different stresses). We even had time to make whoppeee, in the afternoon. Like we did pre children! Whoooopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
* The husband actually liked his Christmas presents. There have been a few years of raised eyebrows due to my rubbish gifts. Ok, I admit the football shorts in children's size Medium that he couldn't get over his knees were not my finest moment, or the Rocky box set when he wanted Rambo, or a large print I had of our names written in sand on a beach in Ireland blown up massive only to reveal bits of old seaweed and scabby looking foam, making it look all manky and unromantic. Oh, or the football book that was a series of essays rather than a swanky coffee table picture book. This year, the Paul Smith gloves, Nigella Espresso cups in blue, Zara electric blue v neck jumper, Jason Manford DVD, chocolate orange, Clinique after shave balm and even the fake poo went down a treat! (Appealing to the inner child always works wonders, hence why I think toastie bags are the key to a happy marriage. Give a man a toasted sandwich, yours for life)
* Husband cooked a very impressive Christmas dinner. Yum. I thanken you hubby.
* Husband let me have lots of lie - ins....bliss! Who needs Christmas presents when you are allowed to sleep until 10am? (obviously I didn't do this on Christmas day itself, although it was tempting...)
* Because we now have a dog we went on lots of lovely walks. Fresh air. Children not squabbling. I like!
* The dogs wind. Someone must have been feeding him under the table. I have not known a smell like it. It fills a room and stays at nose level for approximately ten minutes until you begin to wretch. Hiding the nose under the jumper is the only escape.
* The 5 year old being honest when receiving presents, 'Oh no, not more princess stuff!' or 'I already have this one' or 'This is babyish' or 'I hate blue.' She has been sent to her room daily for bad manners, sulking, a furrowed brow, answering back and the new one - stomping around like an angry teenager. Horrendous.
* The amount of chocolate in the house. Remove it immediately. I have skin like a teenagers and a muffin top that will roll over my new Zara skinny jeans in the most unattractive manner.
* Seeing all the celebs splashed over the paper holidaying in tiny bikinis in Barbados. (see pic above) Is it really necessary when it's freezing, you've eaten a whole box of Thorntons in one sitting and you're still wearing a Christmas cracker hat despite it being 9pm?
* The children arguing. One got given a blue barbie, one a pink. World War 3 nearly broke out. I ignored and carried on drinking hoping it would stop at some point. It did. There were tears. Mine. 'Why can't we just have a nice family Christmas!!' Mummy wailed, breath tinged with gin.
* The amount of pink plastic that I now have to find hiding places for in our already cramped house. Hmph.
* Everything I bought in the sales. Why do I buy it just because it's cheap? It doesn't fit, the colour is not right and I wouldn't have bought it full price. By the time I get around to taking it back, it'll be worth a lousy penny.
* My grandma in her late 80s discussing her sex life with my (now dead) Grandad. 'I used to sing the song, 'We're gonna make love tonight'' she confessed, whilst doing a little jiggle. At the dinner table. Wrong on every level.
So, how was it for you?