Sunday, 11 October 2009
They have been back at school, what, 6 weeks, and we have had at least one party every weekend. It's official. My daughter has a better social life than I do.
If that wasn't bad enough, the cost of weekly presents for these parties is cutting into my 'new top' fund.
I have now limited it to a £5 per party present. Measly I know, but you should see the gift tables at these things! (Top tip - M&S do great make your own Jewellery Tinkerbell kits for £5 that are perfect for girls. Boys always get Lego and a big box of Maltesers).
The last party surpassed all other parties. It was like a small wedding reception. Held in a hotel, the whole of year 1 was invited. That's sixty children. The theme was pirates and princesses. I dropped eldest daughter off, had a peek around the door, and there was a top table (assume for birthday girl and best friends), with two tables off it, decorated with pirate and fairy sprinkles and table decorations. I half expected to see a menu,
Lightly Salted Chipsticks or Curly Quavers
Egg, Cheese or Ham sandwiches,
Sausages (not on sticks anymore due to sharpness)
Cucumber and Carrots
Barbie Birthday cake
followed by Apple juice and Haribos
Even eldest daughter looked a bit in awe of it all. I left her to the entertainment, named Mr McDooDoo and disappeared for a couple of hours, slightly miffed that our whole Sunday revolved around this do. As it was 1.30pm 'til 3.30pm there wasn't much we could do before or after the party.
At pick up, I arrived 5 minutes early and headed back to the Carlton Suite, the lights were off, the music was pumping and it was hot and sticky. It felt like a club! Only with little boys running around holding two balloons to their chest and shouting, 'Look at my boobies!' (Just think, in a few years they'll be desperate to meet a girl who will say the same thing...)
So, off she goes yet again to another party. Another day revloving around a bunch of 5 year olds. The present's wrapped, another card written (badly) and already the conversation has begun about what to do for her party in 4 months time. Any ideas? I'm thinking of leaving the country...
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
I found a lump.
In my slightly shrivelled and not touched as much as it used to be left breast.
I wasn't overly concerned.
Sure it's just hormonal, I said to myself.
It'll be fine.
So, like an ostrich I went and buried my head in the sand.
Three weeks later, I had another feel and the lump was still there.
I mentioned it again to husband who insisted I go and get it checked.
So I did.
Surely the doctor would just tell me, it's hormonal/your age/your imagination?
But she didn't.
She sent me for a referral at a breast clinic.
I wasn't expecting that.
I left the doctors a bit shocked.
Not only because you have to use hygienic hand rub before you even touch the computer screen to arrive your appointment in case of swine flu, but because I really believed she would say, 'Come back if it hasn't gone after your period', or, 'No sorry, I can't feel a thing.' But she didn't. She said, 'Oh yes, it's there. I feel it.'
I really started to worry.
I Googled breast lumps, and worried myself even more. Mine felt a bit like a golf ball. That is bad. It didn't feel like a bit of raw carrot. This was good.
I kept chanting to myself, '90% of breast lumps are benign'.
But what if I was one of the 10%?
Every magazine I looked in seemed to have a story to do with cancer or dying. Every time I turned on the TV the same.
I read my daughter a bedtime story, and in it, the main characters mother is dead. At the end, my daughter turned to me and said, 'I am scared of you dying and me not knowing how to do anything.'
Was this all a sign?
I spent nights lying awake for hours writing letters in my head for my daughters to open when I wouldn't be there for their birthdays. I silently cried into my pillow that my youngest daughter wouldn't remember me if anything happened to me now.
Finally, after ten long days, my appointment arrived.
My lump turned out to just be hormonal thickening. The only recommendations were to take Evening Primrose Oil.
I feel so very very lucky.
I feel so very very sad for the 10% who aren't so lucky.