I found a lump.
In my slightly shrivelled and not touched as much as it used to be left breast.
I wasn't overly concerned.
Sure it's just hormonal, I said to myself.
It'll be fine.
So, like an ostrich I went and buried my head in the sand.
Three weeks later, I had another feel and the lump was still there.
I mentioned it again to husband who insisted I go and get it checked.
So I did.
Surely the doctor would just tell me, it's hormonal/your age/your imagination?
But she didn't.
She sent me for a referral at a breast clinic.
Oh.
I wasn't expecting that.
I left the doctors a bit shocked.
Not only because you have to use hygienic hand rub before you even touch the computer screen to arrive your appointment in case of swine flu, but because I really believed she would say, 'Come back if it hasn't gone after your period', or, 'No sorry, I can't feel a thing.' But she didn't. She said, 'Oh yes, it's there. I feel it.'
I really started to worry.
I Googled breast lumps, and worried myself even more. Mine felt a bit like a golf ball. That is bad. It didn't feel like a bit of raw carrot. This was good.
I kept chanting to myself, '90% of breast lumps are benign'.
Stay positive.
But what if I was one of the 10%?
Every magazine I looked in seemed to have a story to do with cancer or dying. Every time I turned on the TV the same.
I read my daughter a bedtime story, and in it, the main characters mother is dead. At the end, my daughter turned to me and said, 'I am scared of you dying and me not knowing how to do anything.'
Was this all a sign?
I spent nights lying awake for hours writing letters in my head for my daughters to open when I wouldn't be there for their birthdays. I silently cried into my pillow that my youngest daughter wouldn't remember me if anything happened to me now.
Finally, after ten long days, my appointment arrived.
My lump turned out to just be hormonal thickening. The only recommendations were to take Evening Primrose Oil.
I feel so very very lucky.
I feel so very very sad for the 10% who aren't so lucky.
15 comments:
I'm glad you were lucky.
:)
Phew. Scary stuff. x
Much love x
How terrifying for you x
What a moving post. I bet you were very scared but thank you so much for sharing your feelings with us. Made me check my breasts straight away, something I do far too rarely...
Good for you. I'm so glad it turned out alright. I've got to check mine.
It's scary. The older we get, the more cases are among us. Us, who used to be the young ones. You used to know someone's mum who had it. I am very happy for you it's nothing serious!
Thank God.
So glad for you.
My mum had breast cancer last year, my 2 godmothers have both survived it in the past 2 years and my colleague's 38 yr old sister was diagnosed with it yesterday.
A horrible scare but a wake up to all of us with breasts to take the time to check them. It isn't just OAPs who get sick!
xx
That's a scary thing to go through. Glad you were ok.
Thanks for the kind words all. Yes, Mud, one of my close work colleagues got it at aged just 28, chemo and recovery took a year out of her life but she is in remission now. Thankfully. Hope your mum is OK. And of course, should put a shout out to fellow blogger Not Wrong, Just Different who has just finished Chemo.
http://blogiota.blogspot.com/2009/10/rejoice-with-me.html
Crikey Confused, so glad for you that it turned out OK, but sad for others too....xx
I have an award for you over at mine: http://www.metropolitanmum.co.uk/2009/10/award-awards-awards-and-yes-i-left-it-a-little-long/#more-548
x MM
Sounds like my day on Wednesday; very scary, but ultimately nothing to worry about. It's tough being a woman.
PHEW. and double phew. love you xx
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