I'm Alive...!

Like you care. But just to reassure Millennium Housewife that I haven't been carted off to the local loony bin, or run off with a Spanish waiter, or shaved my head and done a 'Britney'. I am alive and well.
I just needed to get on with 'real life' for a while. Do some cleaning, play with my children, give my husband some loving, wean myself off the computer, buy new clothes - and not from online. Leave the house before people started wondering if the lady at number 21 was agoraphobic. Before I started thinking I was agoraphobic...
So, how is real life?
Well the cleaning is still pissing me off enormously. I clean. An hour later, it gets dirty. I clean, ten minutes later cake crumbs squashed in everywhere. I clean, then someone goes and does a poo. That leaves marks down the side of the bowl. That's not satisfactory. Can everyone just, like, walk on air, use the loo at the pub down the road and perhaps not eat at mine anymore. Thanks.
The children - Five year old seems to be behaving like a moody teenager. I keep asking if someone has swapped her. Does anyone know where my polite sweet girl has gone? If you find her, please send her back. This one is sobbing a lot. Awful to her little sister. Cheeky. Even pulling faces behind my back. This is what happens when we send children to school at four years old. Come five, it's burnout and they're ready for a couple of weeks in The Priory. She will have to do with half term.
As for two year old, the horror of Potty Training. This is a full time job in itself. Take your eye off the ball (to go on the computer) and you could end up with a couple of 'nugs' by the sofa. Undiscovered for an hour or so until 2 year old picks them up and says, ''Ook, my poo poo Mummy'.
Weaning myself off the computer - Hmmm, so I am not obsessively blogging anymore. Instead I am twittering. I have replaced one time consuming thing, with another, slightly more pointless time consuming thing. Also, I have been doing a pop quiz. It took over my life for two days. 270 bands to name. I am up to 201. Driving me mad. But I think I have cut down my computer time. And I feel better for it. I now breathe fresh air.
Husband loving - Have been trying to invest some time in my relationship. Two friends of friends of friends have found out their husbands have been having affairs. At counselling, bad husbands have pointed out they felt unloved, children came first, wife never asked how his day was when he came in blah de blah. So, I felt I should flash husband my boobs every now and then, even let him touch them occasionally. I know! Generous old me. Oh, and ask him how he is when he gets in from work whilst presenting him with his favourite meal. Just to make sure he doesn't run off with the girl from accounts with the boob job. Also bought him Sopranos box set. It has kept him quiet and happy every night for about a month. Result. Think it's working and he's not going to run off with girl from accounts with the boob job (hmmm, not really sure she'd want him anyway...but that's not the point). Also found that being nice to him has made him nicer to me. He is still playing football on a Saturday, which means maybe I will end up running off with the postman (I think he only has 3 teeth, so not a great option but the only man I see regularly) and going to counselling and moaning about how my husband didn't pay me any attention on a Saturday...
So that's my life in a nutshell right now. How you all doing??