Britney Spears recently described her life as like a Groundhog Day. I know how she feels. OK, so I don't know what it's like to be a millionaire trapped in my own home due to being stalked by paparazzi and not being able to trust a soul, but I know how she feels about every day feeling the same.
It was my birthday yesterday and I had lots of lovely cards from friends (one from far away made me cry) and some beautiful presents.
Husband had asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I replied, 'your time'.
Of course I love the Kurt Geiger motorbike boots, the Burts Bees body butter for my wizened old hands, the Caroline Herrera perfume and the Lionel Shriver book he bought me, such wonderful gifts, but then he left for work as always at 7.30am.
I made children's breakfast.
I got us all dressed.
I took eldest girl to school.
I went to meet friends for a cuppa in a cafe.
I spent an hour trying to entertain a two year old in a cafe without her causing much damage. She did well, she only spilt the sugar on the floor and smeared jam all over the place. Result. No having to pay for any breakages.
I went to pick daughter up from school at lunchtime.
I made lunch for us all.
I cleared up lunch and breakfast stuff.
I put little girl to bed for an hour.
I made beds, cleared away clothes, unloaded dishwasher.
I uummmmed and aahhed about how to entertain the girls for the afternoon.
We went to the schools Christmas fair.
We came home.
I made the their tea.
I cleared up their food, and tidied the kitchen.
I got the hoover out and sucked up all the crumbs.
I shook the cushions, put the toys away.
Its 6.30pm. The husband comes home from work.
The kids go wild for half an hour.
We go upstairs, we bath them, we read them a story. They are in bed.
It's 7.45pm.
I call a takeaway.
He collects it.
We eat it.
I am tired.
I take a camomile tea and the paper up to bed and watch Gavin & Stacey.
I go to sleep.
Something similar happens Monday to Friday, and now, thanks to him playing football, on a Saturday.
This morning I was allowed a post birthday lie in. Until 9am. We all get dressed and go to do the weekly shop. I usually shop without him. He is more of a handful than the kids. Husband gets annoyed if people don't walk in a straight line, or if people suddenly stop and dare look at say, the satsumas. There is a lot of muttering under the breath from him. We have to whizz around the shop in approximately 5 minutes in the style of Lewis Hamilton. He gets cross that the girls are all over the place and getting attracted by small sparkly sweets or big large cookies. He huffs and puffs and says to split up, he will be quicker on his own.
We meet at the checkout about 3 minutes later. I look in the trolley. We have fruit and veg, two packs of mince and not much else. 'What are we actually going to be eating this week? We don't even have the meat for the roast tomorrow!' I fume. It takes twice as long as we have to go back and get ingredients for proper meals to eat in the week. Then I show him a bag I was thinking of getting with my birthday money from my mum and grandma. He buys it for me.
We get back in the car. I see him muttering 'Damn' under his breath as he's about to get back in the car and I notice he is getting annoyed by a man who is reversing slowly out of a parking spot, delaying us by approximately 5 seconds.
'Well, this has been nice.' I mutter with heavy sarcasm.
'Don't start. I just bought you that bag. You are so ungrateful.' He retorts. I knew I would pay for the bag in other ways...
'You are like a divorced father trying to buy me off with expensive things to keep me quiet when all I want is YOU. When you are older, and the kids have grown up, you will probably look back on this time and say, I wish I'd spent more time with the kids. Last weekend you were away from Friday morning to Sunday afternoon on a stag do and now we are rushing back for you to go and play football. I just feel like we hardly ever see you.' I moan.
'I have to work to pay for the mortgage. And just because you don't have any hobbies you resent me for having one. I NEED my four hours of football a week, to get a release from working all week.'
Me quietly, 'When do I get a release?'
Him angrily, 'You chose to be a full time mum.'
And that's the answer I get to everything.Every time I say, I need a break, I am a bit lonely or I have had enough of doing the housework. So, how do I respond to that? I wouldn't have it any other way. I know how lucky I am to have my children and be able to spend this precious time with them. Even if the littlest has just thrown a lipstick at me in a tantrum.
Now it's Saturday afternoon, he's having a great old time playing football and I have just...
Made children's lunch
Made my lunch
Put youngest child to bed
Now I need to decide what to do for the rest of the afternoon.
Then I will cook their tea.
Then he will come home,
Then we will bath the children,
Then we will read them a story,
Then we will put them to bed,
Then we will order a takeaway,
He will go and get it,
We will eat it,
I will take a camomile tea to bed and watch the X Factor result show,
Then I will go to sleep.
Repeat to fade...
Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me...
21 comments:
Awww, so sorry you're so fed up - on your birthday too! I know what you mean about groundhog day though, sounds very familiar.
Happy birthday, we Sagittarians need to stick together!
A happy belated birthday to you, my lovely.x
When they're small it's just hard slog but I promise one day Mummyrella ,you will be back out gigging, sneaking special smokes, and dancing (hopefully with hubby as your gig buddy)
meanwhile should you wish an escape, you're most welcome to visit your auntie, who has a spare ticket for Glasvegas xx
It does get easier, with love from me, a survivor of 3 xxx
happy birthday to you, confused take that fan.
I hate going shopping with husband too. Its like having an extra stroppy teenage kid.
Sorry you feel so down. wish i could think of something more constructive to say.
xxxxx
I so know what you mean about the endless cycle of washing up, tidying up, cooking etc for small children - and I only have to do it two days a week on my own, so I can't imagine how gruellilng it must be every day. Your description of husband in supermarket carpark also sounded far too familiar!
You sound as if you really need a break, or at least something to look forward to - is there a holiday you can plan or a day away at a spa with a girlfriend?
Lots of love.
There's only one thing for it CTTF - you need to get on that plane and come and watch me do the 'repeat to fade' scene.
I miss you! if I'd been there on your birthday I'd have bought over a big bottle of the naughty stuff and we'd have had not-so-snesky glasses whilst little ones slept, then wobbled together to the school gates.
I meant every word in that card....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ladies, thanks for your kind words and understanding. I ended up going out last night with some girlies and having a fabulous time with lots of dancing, so the grey clouds have moved on...for now.
Supermum - Aah, are you a sagi too? Bit feiry though aren't we? Gets me into trouble..
Auntie, your advice is like a warm hug. Thank you. Means a lot. And thanks for the offer of coming to visit. Sounds fab! Not sure we livethat close though?
Jenny - thanks for your birthday wishes. I'm fine really. There are people in this world with much bigger worries than I have. I was just in a foul mood yesterday when I blogged. Today, I almost feel like I should take the post down...
Nappy - Thanks for sending lots of love. SO sweet. So lovely. I am touched.
Mom/Mum - you are a sweetheart as always. Miss you muchly x one billion.
What's that saying "Happy mother, happy household". I wish I had lived by that one in the formative years, but it's true. If hubby is going to have a hobby then you SHOULD have an escape too. Think of something you want to do either weekly or fortnightly, then bloody do it. Talk it over with him (since he was the one who brought up hobbies) and figure out when it would best work.
Men are really good at looking after themselves this way and most of us women are crap. (Can you tell, I really mean this?)
Ah, CCTF, we had doomed depressing birthdays, didn't we. How about we dump everything and go off to Chiva Som for a week.
Sending hugs! I can't pretent to really understand the difficulties and intricacies of caring for young children day in, day out. But I think many of us have our own version of Groundhog Day, mine being: get up, spend hideous hour on public transport, spend day staring at computer screen, spend hideous hour on public transport, cook supper, go to bed.
We all need to spend a little time outside that eternal revolution to catch our breath.
Hope things are looking up!
Everyone has those times when you think 'yes I did sign up to be a mum and I knew what was coming, but I didn't know WHAT was coming'
I really do wish you all the best CTTF.
I find the best therapy is to read all those blogs out there which show you that you are absolutely not alone.
You could also go hunt for that blog photo of dave posing in the semi nude - now if that doesn't cheer you up nothing will!
Oh and, how bloody rude of me, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You will always be one of my Sex and the City gals, no matter how much baby vomit you've got down your top.
Yes, Happy Birthday. Why do birthdays not feel so different from other days when you've got kids, a mortgage, a job, a husband,.......?
That almost made me cry Confused, seriously. Especially the long long list of stuff, I felt like I was reading my diary (if I kept one). Although Husband doesn't think the same way about me being at home with the kids (ie don't moan it was your choice) he does work full time and study 15-20hours extra a week (that's most evenings and at assignment time all weekend). We've just finished a stint of four working weekends in a row and it's horrendous. I miss him. I don't know what the answer is for you (or me to be fair), I think you need something of your own. Now, I don't wish to ruin my reputation as a wine swilling, feet up on the sofa lush but I do actually go to the gym everyday (geek!), and little one goes into creche. I save all my hard earned family allowance for this, but it sure does the trick. You don't actually have to work out either, you could just get a coffee and a paper. The best bit is you're not actually asking anyone a favour, it gets you out the house, someone else looks after litle one, you get fitter (if you do actually work out) feel better, meet other people, have something other to say to Husband in the evening rather than I ruined one of your shirts again, and sometimes make a real friend. Just an idea. MH xxxxxxx
Just to reassure you all I haven't gone off and found my dressing gown cord and decided enough was enough. I am afraid I blogged on Saturday when I was in THE FOULEST mood. Things are much better this week. Helped by the fact I didn't stay in, eat takeaway, watch X Factor afterall, instead went out with some girls (I barely know) on a hen do and had a giggle. Crawled in at 3am. So a bit of release afterall!
Expat Mum - Yes you are right. Men are much better at being, dare I say it, selfish?? I do have Pilates on a Wednesday which is great...I spend a whole hour and a half trying not to break wind ;o)
Jaywalker - I feel bad even moaning about it, there are people much worse off in the world than I. I mean really, moaning about getting Kurt Geiger boots and some fancy perfume? I mean have you heard me? I am ashamed. Anyway, despite that Chiva Som sounds a delight...
Mud - You are right, we all have our Groundhog days. I'm fine. Just having a very public moan off...
Tara - I saw the pic of Dave. I felt wrong looking at him in his Boden boxer shorts...did you??
Working mum - No wonder 'older' people stop celebrating birthdays! Remember when a care bear was all you needed to make it a super special birthday?
MH - In the words of Mike Skinner Dry your eyes mate...I was being a self pitying fool. So my husband plays footy on a Saturday. Big deal. But I miss him. Like you say. Thanks for the suggestion. I am far from a gym bunny, but I would like to find something else to do. W.I anyone??
Happy Belated Birthday CTTF! Glad you're feeling happier now! I have been feeling c**p this week for no apparent reason which is all the more stupid. Am putting it down to hormones, an early onset of menopause perhaps?! Now there's really something to look forward to!! Your comment re trying not to break wind at pilates had me in stitches BTW! I have been absent from Blogland for a week and catching up is making me smile again!
Awww, glad you're feeling better CTTF. We all have those cr@ppy days don't we, and its always good to vent your spleen.
I had a small Take That moment today actually - I met Gary Barlow's mum (see today's post on my blog). Ooooh!
Yes i totally know how that feels. i have cleaned the food from underneath our table five times today and i have poor Cinderella hands from the conatant washing up! AArgh! So glad you came out of your deserved grump to go out with your friends.
Yes, a happy belated birthday to you too!
I know how you feel about Groundhog Day (I love that movie BTW) -- it's partly why I went back to work. I get the best of both worlds, working from home. Although, my house isn't as tidy as it once was.
Hugs.
x
Phew, was a bit worried about you until I read the comments, glad you went out and had a good time in the end. Domestic drudge is sooo boring that's why I'm blogging now instead of cleaning!
that girl - not the menopause already?? Nope, I don't think so, it's early panic about THAT big birthday you are approaching. Relax. You have a beautiful dress. You will only be one day older than you were the day before etc etc.
supermum - G..a..rrrr..yyy Baaarlow. Swoon. He is my new favourite.
Laura - Are yours Cinderella hands? I know she did a lot of scrubbing but I always imagined them to be beautiful. My hands are more like Madonna claws...
Crunchiemummy - Thanks for the hugs. That was nice. Yes, I went back to work after baby number one, but finances didn't add up after baby number two. Enjoy your lunch hours shopping or in the pub. You lucky thing! I do have a lunch hour now. I watch Neighbours with a cup of tea and a big slab of cake. Glamourous eh?
Blogthatmama - Cleaning. It's like homework isn't it? You put it off, and find other much more important things to be done, such as blogging. But you always have to do it in the end...grrr...
hmmm. And you were wondering why you had no sex drive in the last post??
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