You're not supposed to get empty nest syndrome until they have left home, but I think I got a taste of what it's going to feel like today. Just like a lot of other blog mamas and papas my big girl has waved Mummy dearest bye bye and gone and started big school.
Seeing her in uniform I could feel the tears building.
Walking her up to school, I was inwardly sobbing, but held myself together so as not to upset her.
Reached school, promised her if she didn't cry she could have the rabbit family from Sylvanians.
She went in and didn't look back. Damn, I didn't predict that. There goes £20.
I slowly walked home with baby girl (I say baby girl, she is actually nearly two).
Opening my front door I was not only hit with left over toast on the floor, an old nappy waiting to go to the outside bin, warm milk that had been left out, but an overwhelming silence.
My little friend was all grown up and had left me to go to school. Meanwhile I have been left to entertain the toddler on my own.
I cried.
I missed her. There's a little piece of my heart throbbing as another of my family gets on with their life, leaving me here, directionless.
Soon toddler will be starting pre school, just two mornings a week to begin with. Then I have no more excuses. I have to get some freelance work. People are already asking me, 'What are you going to do with yourself?' I've also been asking myself that daily, no make that almost hourly, for the last year. When toddler is in nursery school five mornings a week, what on earth will I do?
Tonight I have a new solution, I may have to forgive the husband, put out and get myself another baby - I'll do anything to avoid having to make a decision over my career and putting myself out there again. The prospect of going back into the 'real' world is more frightening than another child. That's for sure.
15 comments:
ahhww! These first day at school posts are killing me...must be uppermost in every mums mind at the moment! Small child has one year to go yet and pre school was this week but I still got emotional! Hope you don't mind but I tagged you!
Aww me too! We're not quite there yet with big school, and despite me offloading big son into whatever local activity camp that doesn't involve me being his entertainment director, i still can't bear the thought of him not being with me full-time as it were.
Give yourself a big hug from me. And stop. Think twice. Is going back to no sleep, sore bits and even less nookyreally the path you want to take?
Your post made me well up, too - and we've still got a year to go. It's such a big step, isn't it. But I'm with Mom/Mum on the baby thing. Unless you are some kind of Angelina Jolie type earth mother!
CTTF, I love your writing. I don't love the fact that you make me all emotional and upset - especially as I am at working reading this!
I would like others to recognise how great I think you are too, so have an award with your name on it . . .
That girl - thanks for tagging. Will get on with it when I am not clearing up or going to weddings ;O)
Mom/Mum - I am seriously tempted. You have just given me another great reason to have another child - so I don't have to have much of a sex life for a year! Ha ha
Valley girl - The similarities between me and Angelina are uncanny...
Tara - You are so kind and lovely and such a confidence booster that I wish they made a pocket sized you that I could carry around all day!
Oh, I did that, I had Beautiful Baby Daughter because I coulcn't face going back to nursing after my mat leave.
He refused to have a 4th after that mat leave was up though !!!!
i was pretty choked up reading that. and i came to the same conclusion as you before i'd reached the end... have another baby, and another...
i hope she enjoyed her first day - i bet she loved it!
It's like looking in a mirror (or more appropriately, reading a blog I could have written), what are we going to do? Race you on the third child front... MH
I think my wife is glad to get back to work. Although I think she would have preferred to remain part time, but at least now she gets to start working on her career progression again.
I’ve still got the two girls at home with me and the two boys are both at school. Later this month the eldest of the girls goes to playgroup each morning Mon-Fri.
I think I must be a callous, heartless, wizened old git, because as much as I love my children and like having them around, and I do, I really do, I’ll enjoy having the mornings to get stuff done. The plan is that it then leaves me free in the afternoon to play tea parties and dressing up with my girls, although I won’t be wearing Mummy’s shoes! (*whispering* "They don't fit.")
and because I love your blog so much I thought I'd cheer you up with an award. Come get it gorgeous girl and fabulouso mummy!
It's hard saying goodbye on those first days of school and every September is difficult as silence fills the house once more. But we have to move forward. Each stage has it's own challenges and those baby and toddler years would not be special if they lasted forever!
Auntie Gwen - So do you recommend 3 as being the magic number?
Elsie B - She LOVED her first day, and second, not so sure on the third. Will see how it goes...
MH - Do I dare go to three? Will my boobs drop even lower? Can my tummy bounce back once more? Can I go through having dreadful piles again? Oooh I don't know...
Dave - I think there are some specialist websites who do high heel shoes for men if you truly want to get into the spirit
;o)
mom/mum - *big sloppy kiss* thanks darlink!
Adventure Mummy - Wise words. Thank you!
Uh Oh, I think I'm losing my marbles. I flet sure I'd replied to your last reply.
Maybe you deleted it because of the profane language and the full frontal nudity?
Hehehehe
The worst is when the last one goes. I had to face that hurdle two years ago - and this year I'm facing the last year at the village school before joining her sisters on the big bus to big school 25 minutes away. And the littlest one is, funnily enough, my 'friend' simply because a)she is most like me and b) we had more time together than I had with the other two. Breakfast stuff on the table when you get home - big gulp there! All I can say is that, however big the changes that continually confront you in motherhood, you DO adjust - and surprisingly quickly. Like you, I was terrified of having no more excuses not to take a long hard look at the rest of my life - but, hey, somehow I've overcome that and am still bumbling along even with the girls at school. Keep promising myself I'll relaunch my career in some shape of form, but even with them at school there is always SO MUCH TO DO!! Corragio, as the Italians say.
thanks Her On The Hill - reassuring words indeedy.
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